Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
