Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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