well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize