What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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