You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
