New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
