Redeem this text for a blowjob
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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