Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
