Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
