I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
tell me about the fingering
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