I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
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It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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