youre lurking in front of me
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
