Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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