shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
