I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
