I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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