the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
we're so committed to being not committed
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
