Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
