I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
