i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You pole danced in your parka.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You ate ashes out of my bong
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
