I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
