I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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