Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize