Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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