can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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