Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.