i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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