i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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