I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
