Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
