My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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