I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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