By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
