Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
