hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
