Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
