I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
