please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
