There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
