One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
