When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
