Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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