Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
