dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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