I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
