I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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