Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
