Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
