I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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