Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
