The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
