that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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