I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
