I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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