Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
