we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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