At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
