so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
