So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
