dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
