its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
