I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
