Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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