I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
