our cab driver is having phone sex.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
