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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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