at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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