Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Randomize
