wanna go halves on a baby?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
