We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
