yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
