I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize