she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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