Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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